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New Moon Countdown Official Poster [01 Jun 2009|12:31pm]
[6] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Is compassion wrong? [02 Oct 2007|03:01pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I don't post often... I guess my life is too similar day to day, I just don't usually open up too much to write about a lot of things. I'm constantly thinking about things in life, though, things I can't even change or possily hope to completely understand.

I saw the movie "The Kingdom" this weekend... it was excellent. It's about a group of FBI agents in Saudi Arabia working with the Saudi police to catch a nasty group of terrorists who had killed a bunch of Americans & Saudis during a company picnic. I'm against all terror, but when you see a 16-year old kid with a bomb or a machine gun and an even younger kid watching his 16-year old brother being shot to death by the people he was trying to bomb... I can see how the circle never ends. That little boy will grow up with revenge on his mind, not understanding that his brother had been brainwashed by evil EVIL men who cared nothing for him, just for some fantasy Jihad he was supposedly supporting in death. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman, or if it's just in my nature to be compassionate or both. It's easy to just say "kill the little children who think the same way their terrorist mentors think...they can't be rehabilitated. They'll grow up and be murderers." But then you stop and think to yourself: "They're just kids who don't deserve this." I mean... where do you draw the line there?

The next day I watch four hours of "The War", which is the new documentary mini-series about WWII. Again, you see these young boys on both sides dying. And you know that many of those boys held the same decent beliefs, but because they're on opposite sides, they had to die. In the Polynesian Islands, if you showed any hesitation or compassion fighting a Japanese soldier, then you would be dead. Remember in "Saving Private Ryan" when the Nazi soldier they let go eventually came back with more men and killed almost every one of their batallion? Compassion kills. It's hip these days for other countries to hate on America, but the truth is America is a compassionate and kind country. Because it has wealth to go around, right? It's wealthy because its occupants pay taxes, taxes from each and every one of my paychecks is taken from me. America boasts the highest charitable offerings to the world, we don't just sit in our wealth and smirk at the unfortunate *cough*SaudiArabia*cough* we don't take a selfish neutral stance about EVERYTHING and then boast how great and cultured we are while a country thousands of miles away fought two wars to protect those privilages *cough*Switzerland*cough* So in other words... America's unmatched compassion gets us nowhere. Because people only remember America's mistakes. The world forgave Germany after killing MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS of people just for being who they were... why can't we get a break?

Last night I was watching "To Catch a Predator" on MSNBC, many of you have seen it I'm sure--they set up child predators to come to a house and they're caught on camera and arrested. As many nasty scumbags as there are who get caught on that show, there was this one guy I felt really sorry for. I might've even felt more sorry for him than I did for the could-have-been victim! Despite what they do, feeling sorry for him means I don't believe they're all the same. So, then, can we even trust compassion? Do I choose who gets compassion and who doesn't? Who gets more and who gets less? Can compassion even work that way? All or nothing--isn't that what compassion is? Well then, in that regard, compassion is wrong.

But that's the thing! Compassion like that is what lets rapists & murderers & drunk drivers out of jail--isn't it? Is it because of people like me that people once forgiven are allowed to destroy others' lives again and again? So then, why is there such a thing as forgiveness if it ultimately may lead to death and destruction? Christians think they're superior (and the one true religion, yadda yadda) but if Christianity is about "compassion"...well, where has it gotten you? What is the point of compassion other than to feel good about oneself, or to prove that your views > my views... and if compassion comes with an ulterior motive (like going to heaven; getting more followers of God) then... is it really even that great? Why? If God is so "compassionate" then why does he allow 16-year olds to be shot to death in His name? Why does he apparently play "favorites" with each of His three main religions only to let them all despise and kill each other? And the big question: why is religion so "popular" when it brings as much (if not more) bad than good? Is it because humans are innately "bad"? There are many reasons I'm an Atheist, religious violence is one of them.

So compassion is a curse, then. If we're all sinful "bad" creatures, then my feelings of compassion are a curse, because I have knowledge that even with compassion humans can't truly better themselves. And if I am compassionate and just and moral... none of that matters. Because if I don't believe in God then I'm worse than a terrorist or a child molester who *does* believe in God? That is a JOKE. A joke I don't find funny at all.

[1] funyun // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Chapter 559: 8 Months Gone [14 May 2007|04:02am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Man, I never post anymore. Which is kinda sad since ranting to myself in a journal would do me a world of good and then I could give Mom and my best friend a break ;) Naw, truth is I don't have much to rant about and even less to talk about. Lots of shit goes on at work but you know what? It brings in money for me and it's money that I need to survive--money makes the world go round. Well... money and Heroes, god I'm OBSESSED with that show. Hiro + Matt = adorable, but Nathan + Sylar = YUM FREAKIN' YUM. Bear with me... the show is a film student's dream, so well-made, good acting, good dialogue, PHENOMENAL characters... the list goes on and on. One day my OCD will dissipate.

Why has it been 34 weeks since I last posted? Well... work just wears me out. I work at Wal-Mart doing customer service (almost my 2 year anniversary, damn time flies) and on my days off I like to sleep in, go to the movies, go out to Jessi's, or catch up on online time. Sometimes I even clean my apartment! :O Even if I spend a few consecutive hours online it just never seems like enough time. It takes me so long to read things, time flies and then my eyes hurt from staring at the screen. Like right now.

The other day a customer hit me. Yes. Hit me and screamed in my face, leaving everyone in the room with wide-eyed looks and their jaws on the floor. I went on like nothing happened, but once I was finished with the last customer the tears came. I tried not to cry--I was more embarrassed than anything, especially since I am actually good at my job and didn't do much to incite the anger nor was I expecting such an outburst. But with a job like mine, your feelings get hurt that day and then you never think of it again. You definitely don't let it bother you. In some ways I've become so desensitized it's not even funny. I find that having such a social job makes me anti-social and unenergized when I'm at home. Kinda puts a hamper on friendships and a social life. But I couldn't care less if that man came back and tried to return something, I doubt I'd even remember what he looked like. I don't want to be disillusioned at such a young age--can't I just have a job that isn't so thankless? The managers didn't even say a word to me, they just don't give a shit about anything but money.

So, in giving Hiro's wise words a thorough thinking over... "Everyone deserves a second chance." You are so right, my boy. I also think everyone has at least two sides, and just because you may not like one side to someone, it doesn't mean you should give them the boot. Neither side is in control all the time. I know I have my bouts of jealousy/depression/hermitism, etc, but when I'm happy I'm really happy and when I'm social I'm really social. People are too fast to judge each other. My last Heroes reference for the night... Gabriel was a good, sweet, smart boy and his pushy mother's lack of understanding drove him to let his bad self (Sylar) take over. That just doesn't fly with me. Fuck you, society!! Save Gabriel!!!

Mmmmm... damn. Sylar/Gabriel/Zach you'd make the bad part of me a serial killer too... by forcing me to kill any ho that even thinks of laying her fingers on you. I'd be called... Sylarina ;)
[3] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Family Values Tour Report [15 Sep 2006|04:20am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I'm sure everyone and their dog has written a review of whichever Family Values concert they saw, but I'm doing this for my own benefit so I can "keep the memories alive" and all that jazz. Downloads included for my your pleasure! ;)


Read more...Collapse )

[9] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Ok GO! [18 Aug 2006|10:38pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

Guess who's going to the Columbus, OH show of Family Values Tour?

Guess who gets to see Dir en grey FRONT ROW & CENTER??????????

...Ok, so it's the front row of the lower Pavillion. But still! It's the 2nd front row in the stadium! :P

Ah Kyo-chaaaaan! I won't cosplay or anything, but somehow you'll know I'm cheering for ya ;)

Um, in other news there are two additions to the family Rajah now owns *cough*


Gizmo, the clingy mama's boy:

Princess Fiona, the sweet but curious one:

And their naughty beyond naughty supreme ruler: Rajah, age 4 months. He got HUGE O_o

The Grandaddy Stormiweather lived in the apartment for a week, but he prefers my parents' house after all :( Sadness, he's a good sleeping-with kitty:

[12] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Kitty! :) [30 Jun 2006|09:50pm]
This is my new Siamese kitten Rajah (a.k.a. the hyper $200 baby)

Ain't he cute? :)
[30] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Must...think...of...a subject...!!! [04 Jun 2006|02:54pm]
I'm playing bass in a local band...but wait, I'm the oldest one. Suck! 24 is ancient! Kanpeki-sama needs new strings...again. :( I might end up dropping out, my work schedule is too varied.

I visited Lauren (a.k.a. Gambit) in Indianapolis today. Best day for me in like 8 months. It was so good to see you, girl! I came home in a good mood and cleaned my room and got all my clothes in the closet (OMG, me?? Put clothes in the closet??) All for old times' sake ;)

Counting down the days till tickets for Dir en grey & Korn in Indianapolis go on sale... Levi's going with me (since I'm driving, bwahaha!). Lindsay also invited me to go to King's Island in July. YES. YESSSSSSSS! <3

Seeing the play "Wicked" June 17th. Can't wait, better be good!

Other than these things my life involves work. Work work work! Which is good because I just got my car's air conditiong fixed and it was $600. Eeep. Eeep, indeed. Levi and I are saving money for a trip to Japan next summer. I have $250 in my savings account right now... but since he's moving to an apartment and will have to start paying rent now I doubt it'll work out, but who knows, right?

Who's Levi? The emo-est 19 year-old boy ever, lol. He's cute tho. I took a picture of him getting his hair cut a couple months ago:
Wizard of Oz voice: Pay no attention to that Reese Witherspoon poster behind him...

[3] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Stephen's got balls [03 May 2006|05:33pm]

I sent my 2nd marriage proposal to Stephen Colbert. I've been an avid droolee even before his greatest of great shows aired. I LOVE (SC)ARCASM ^___________^

Everynight I say: Mom, I have to marry him. Although he's already married

Wanna see why?

Here's the first reason
And here's the second
[6] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

nine mais truth [12 Apr 2006|06:57am]

PIERROT is breaking up. Another (good) one bites the dust.


[9] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

[04 Apr 2006|03:33am]
[ mood | gloomy ]


I'm sitting here saddened that I haven't received a text for a friggin' week!


I'm sitting here so sorry that I haven't been around to get your calls. I will call. I miss you so much, words can't even describe. I should get over any hatred of the phone, because that's the only form of communication I have pretty much. When I get a year in at Wal-Mart I can have more vacations. Memphis will be visited by me in the future, I swear!

My goldfish Ennis... horrific. He got his eyes poked out somehow and died later tonight. I say it's a GAY HATE CRIME! But how freakin' ironic to have all this happen the day the Brokeback Mountain DVD comes out. I mean really now. If I wasn't so primarily disgusted I'd say it's almost comical!

I heard about The Simpsons Movie coming out next summer. Can we say ZOMG?!?!? Now all we need is a Family Guy movie and another South Park one. I hope the movie is The Simpsons finale. Let the show go out with a bang...PLEASE GOD.

[7] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

[14 Mar 2006|08:58pm]
...I'm cashier of the week. Again. BWAHA! Wal-Mart will soon tremble in my presence because I cause an earthquake with every step

...a British DJ wants all my Brokeback videos to put on his website and play on the big screen at his club! BAM!

...Paula, Dotti, Erik, Loki... I miss you buddays.
[12] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

inflation! [12 Mar 2006|12:44am]
....OH MY GOD.

My "With or Without You" music video is #19 in the Top 100 Best Rated videos on youtube.com!!!

The #1 Brokeback Mountain video on all of youtube. HOLY CRAP. IT HAS FIVE STARS AND THOUGHTFUL USER COMMENTS. It's like... having a daughter be accepted to Harvard! Hard work DOES pay off! EEEEEYIPPIE! Something I made all by myself is actually loved???? NO WAY!!

Then I have another video in the Top Discussed Videos of 3/10/2006. ^_______^ What's with all this, my stuff is crap yet I think my ego is swelling or something!

[Edit]: Well somehow word got around in the BBM community and elsewhere and a bunch of jealous jerks rated my video a one-star over and over again, so now not only is it off the list, its 5-star rating is now a 3½. Man, people just suck. Can't I enjoy some glory once or twice in my life? Don't I deserve that much? ;____________;
[6] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Break me off a piece of that Heath Crunch bar... [22 Feb 2006|04:00am]
The cutest thing in the world...

...is Heath Ledger's famous teapot :)
[7] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

[07 Feb 2006|01:59am]
I will NEVER read, write, edit, mention (besides now), or endorse Brokeback Mountain fanfiction.

Do NOT bother me with it, kthnx.

I have put the short story in .pdf format on my website here. Please read it/buy it/spread it around/etc. for it is wonderful and amazing and all that we should ever want or need of our beloveds' Jack x Ennis literature. Since the movie follows it closely (thank GOD) and the author herself has hailed it as a masterpiece, feel free to fill in the gaps with your own ideas and keep them under your hat. I believe it very disrespectful to take Annie P.'s characters and fill their mouths full of words they would never say and propose actions they would never do. This is not a mushy bull-shit romantical fangirl-friendly story. There be LOTS of reigns on this one. Do not cross me.

[7] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

The most useless post ever [01 Feb 2006|04:50am]
Forgive me... for I uphold an often-seamy life at Wal-Mart now and therefore have no other means of expression. This is mostly for my benefit, so just ignorey:

Melian's Top 10 Movies (In random order... really.)

1. The Shawshank Redemption
2. Brokeback Mountain
3. Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring
4. Titanic
5. A Beautiful Mind
6. Babe
7. The Village
8. The Empire Strikes Back
9. Napoleon Dynamite
10. The Matrix

VERY CLOSE Honorable Mentions

Edward Scissorhands
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Sunrise: A song of two humans
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Citizen Kane
The Last Laugh
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
12 Angry Men
The Secret Garden
American Movie: The Making of Northwestern
Hero (Best film cinematography ever)
Kill Bill Vol.1 & Vol.2
And of course animated Disney (before 2003) and anything Pixar = golden

And no. I have no plans to make an Ennis/Jack music video to BUCK-TICK's "Brilliant"
I have to have the footage first.
[4] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

This really is so stupid... [29 Jan 2006|08:32pm]
Yes. This post is pointless :)

But! I got a good laugh today. It's a running joke (Lauren knows it) that I have been known to (by some ironic twist of fate) "resemble" Scarlett Johansson since I've had red hair, about a year and a half. When I was much thinner last year, a different stranger every other week or so would say to me as I worked the front desk "You look just like Scarlett Johansson" and I was like "OMG THANK YOU!" I love Scarlett. She is a great actress and beautiful, and whenever anyone said that to me I thought it was the greatest compliment ever (even though I couldn't pretend to touch her beauty. The girl's PERFECT).

Now I've, you know, gained a little weight *cough* and my complexion has gone a little downhill. But I still smile a lot and have red hair & oval face with firm cheekbones... so anyway a customer came through my line and as he was paying he said "You know you really look like the little girl from The Horse Whisperer." And I was thinking to myself: damn. I liked being Scarlett. So I said "Is that a good thing I hope?" and he said "Yes, definitely."

So I come home intrigued, look up the little girl from The Horse Whisperer and...


And I laughed. Because I'm retarded :D But I'm so happy! YAY!!!!! Still need to lose weight though... :)
[3] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Don't read me [29 Jan 2006|04:29am]
....well shit.

Ouija, my old geezer betta died today :( And my adorable black moor Sullafin died yesterday. Kumojin killed & ate a female cricket while she was laying her eggs, which will now die as well.


Then I made the huge mistake of spending hours reading up on reviews of "Brokeback Mountain" that brought me to tears. Real love DOES exist & it's the most beautiful thing in this world. So amazing. Then I watched (and re-watched...and again...) "those" scenes on Youtube.com and I'm like spewing my Coke in secretly orgasmic-fashion watching Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall have rough passionate man sex & then sweet cuddly man sex and then "throw me on the wall & kiss me 'til my wife sees & knows we ain't gone fishin'" man lovin'. It's all too much.


Omg I'm seeing Brokeback Mountain tonight! Loooooooooove!! :D *will bring thick sleeve to wipe nose on. Tissues are so obvious*
[4] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Where's Towelie when you need him? [21 Jan 2006|09:27am]
True story.

Me: "Hello." *scans merchandise*
stupid lanky tough-talking boy who'd probably get beat up by midgets: "Do you take drug money?"
Me: *wanting to tell him off but has to bite tongue* "Not as far as I know." *takes money*
him: "...ya just did."
stupid boy's mom with FAR too many tatoos on her hillbilly body: "YOU SHUTUP OR I'll BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU."
him: "...fucker."
Me: *thinks they should get out of her store immediately...

...later sniffs $20 bill out of morbid curiosity.*
[3] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

O___o; [02 Jan 2006|05:08am]



Is he saying "sixty nine" or "sex tonight" ??? :O

[2] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

Merry Christmas! [25 Dec 2005|11:44pm]
Meet the newest addition to the family... him still a baby!

Say hi, Kumojin! ♥♥♥

[7] funyuns // Give baby Foxxy a funyun?

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